Don't go back. Don't. Go. Back.
Sometimes the lure of the past is irresistible; the past, as we all know, was better. But as Kevin Keegan has learnt, making the return journey is fraught with peril.
It won't be as good as it was, because it's happening now; we simplistically tend to label memories as 'good' or 'bad', forgetting that there was plenty of bad with the good. By going back, we are reminded of that, and golden reminiscences are forever stained.
This sad truth becomes distressingly apparent on any YouTube-assisted trawl through one's youth. We all remember the wrestling, don't we? Wrestling was on ITV on Saturday afternoons and it was great. It was vibrant, violent fun, a preposterous cartoon acted out by big slabs of man, some goodies, some baddies: a wondrous, sparkly, sugar-coated spectacle.
And so the delight at finding that all this is catalogued, archived and available on the internet is initially tremendous. These images that have existed only in our darkening, Monster Munch-flavoured memory have become illuminated, moving from behind our eyes to before them. You choose to watch Big Daddy versus Giant Haystacks, because they're the most famous, the biggest stars. So you press 'play' and, before you know it, you're transported to...
Some kind of nightmare, in which two appallingly obese, smelly-looking, lumbering lumps occasionally collide, very slowly. Sometimes they hold each other, resembling grotesquely inflated slugs mating, while all outside the titchy ring looks brown and musty. There's more athleticism on show in your average game of dominoes, more skill in ludo, more drama on Gardener's World.
This stuff was watched by millions, these people household names. But even those names were stupid when you think about them: what's in the least bit menacing about a stack of hay, however large?
Don't go back, folks. It transpires children's TV was mostly deadeningly dull, poorly written and dreadfully produced. Those computer games that held your attention for hours? You can play those online, too. And guess what? They were terrible.
No: the past is unworthy even of a fleeting visit, let alone a prolonged stay. It is best left in our heads. Look forward, everyone.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?Have you had a similarly disappointing trip back in time? Let us know
hereAlternatively, comment on Peter's blog, which can be found from the homepage.
The full article contains 403 words and appears in Leamington Courier newspaper.